앞으로는 더 이상 실망하지 않을거다.
왜냐면,
이젠 더 이상 기대하는 것도, 바라는 것도,
아무 것도 남아있지 않기 때문이야.

더 이상 실망시키지마. 부탁이다.

Last week, I met one of my Vietnamese students in order to talk about the publicity video for the new-coming students in Vietnam. At the end of the conversation, she was angry a little bit and asked me. “Sir, why do you just say one or two words, when you talk to us (Vietnamese)?” I was somewhat surprised and embarrassed. I quickly answered back that I have never done that before. But she continuously asked me. “No, your English is totally different and speak very well, when you speak with Russian students or American professors.”

Was it? Did I? Right after I said goodbye to her, I just thought about the conversations that I made with Vietnamese students. She was right! I had a terrible prejudice, bias, and stereotyping to the Vietnamese students. Because of their strong and unusual accent (it may be unusual only to me), I just felt that their English is not perfect whenever I talked with them. What makes worse is that I was forced unintentionally to use easy words and short sentences all the time. In addition, when I talked to them in English, it is even less burdensome than I talk with people from English-speaking countries. However, I always tried to find out the proper words, whenever I speak with native English speakers.

Does it mean that the native English teachers are much better and more beneficial than nonnative English teachers, especially when students learn the competence of “Speaking”? I do not agree with this idea. Also, “which one is better, native or nonnative, in English language teaching” has been controversial among scholars. Reflecting on my experiece with Vietnamese students, I can’t erase the idea that native teachers may be even better than nonnative teachers. Nevertheless, teachers’ and students’ attitude toward both of them is the point that I must not ignore. In other words, teachers’ rash judgment, such as the prejudice, the bias, and the stereotyping to their students, can change their stuedents into good one or bad one, and vice versa.

Y told me, “If you really want to help somebody, you have to be physically and mentally strong enough (not to be knocked down, not to be discouraged, and not to be hurt).” And she’s right. I am not that strong!

After I met “THIS”, I just feel that things are getting more difficult, more confused, and even worse. I know that life goes on in this way all the time. But in order to get out of these shit things, I am addicted on it more and more and much more rely on the ridiculous power of this shit. I hate me, myself, and mine much more than anybody else. What did I do wrong? Things are getting worse.

사람냄새 묻어나는 그런 사람들과 부딪치고 싶습니다.
피곤함도 덜어주고, 내가 살아 숨쉬고 있다는 것을 느끼게 해줄수 있는 그런 사람들과 잠시라도 부딪치고 싶습니다.